Wet Hot Korean Summer

It’s hot, you guys. It’s very hot. No, that’s wrong, it’s not hot, it’s humid, and that, as everyone knows, is one thousand times worse. Here’s the breakdown of South Korean seasons:

Fall – so amazing it’s borderline magical

Winter – pretty great

Spring – quite nice mostly

Summer – actual hell

It’s almost comical how instantly I begin to sweat as soon as my foot hits the ground outside. I’m told “this isn’t even bad,” and to “wait for August.”

I am displeased with this development.

But other than that, things are super! I found a park near my house with a perfect little one-hour hike with an amazing view. I celebrated a co-worker’s birthday by covertly eating ice cream cake in a lobby. I went to a baseball game. I found a cute little art village next to an enormous outdoor market. I visited a few museums and a cool sea-side cafe. Oh, and I did a Toy Story marathon (not a specifically Korean experience, but worth mentioning).

LIFE

Going to a baseball game in Korea is an entirely different experience than back home. These people WORK FOR IT. There are constant cheers and songs and chants. They go nuts for everything. They have designated cheer-masters. Every player has his own song that every fan sings when they go up to bat. There’s a picnic area, and tables with built-in-grills. Everyone is wearing team colours, and waving some sort of NC Dino swag. These people are invested, and it is truly wondrous to behold. I got so caught up in it, cheered and sang so loudly, that I ended up making friends with the family behind me. We all jumped and high-fived when the Dinos won (bottom of the ninth, two out), because it honestly seemed like the greatest moment of all of our lives.

WORK

Yes, that was the Gangnam Style dance. Let me explain.

You see, my fellow teacher and I share two different senior classes (age 9). In order to motivate good behaviour, we have a point system; good behaviour points, bad behaviour points. Bad points cancel out the good ones. Simple. But we needed a prize for getting to a certain number of points, and it couldn’t be food because of allergies. So, in my infinite wisdom, I suggested that they could choose something embarrassing for us to do, like coming to school with silly make-up, or a funny hat, or (I said, in a throwaway kind of under-the-breath way), a dance.

They, OF COURSE, chose a dance, and the song to go with it. So Ferrol and I put WAY too much time and effort into learning the Gangnam Style dance, and performed it for a horde of laughing nine-year-olds.

Also yes, that WAS Aladdin you saw my six-year-olds singing along to. They are OBSESSED with that movie right now (rightfully so). So much so, that I use it as bribery in order to get them to do their work. I also incorporate it into my lessons.

One of our vocab words was “act”, so I referenced Will Smith acting like the Genie. They didn’t understand, so I pulled up a google image search of Will Smith. One little girl pointed to the picture of him as the Genie, and said, “no, Teacher, THIS is the Genie.” And I said, “yes, that’s Will Smith. See,” and I pointed to a non-Geniefied Will Smith, “this is the actor who plays the Genie.”

I broke her brain.

The destroyed confusion that passed across her little face as she stared at the pictures, realizing that they’re the same person…

These kids trust me, and I went ahead and ruined them. I tried to backtrack, and say that the Genie is his true form, and he only ACTS like Will Smith, but they didn’t buy it. The damage was done.

DANCE

A few people requested a full dance video, so here it is; our latest attempt at k-pop greatness.

SOME STUFF

• The greatest gift you can give a room of 6-year-olds is the implementation a no-laughing rule. They drew pictures of their grandparents, which brought up the notion of wrinkles. Naturally, the kids pointed out that *I* have wrinkles. I said it’s because I laugh so much. So, I very seriously informed them, in order to stop me from getting any more wrinkles, our classroom is now a laugh-free zone. No laughing. NO laughing. Hey, I said no laughing! Why are you- NO LAUGHING! They lost their minds. It was magic.

• I miss sandwiches.

• Why yes I DID play on those drums at the arcade.

• Perhaps Kimmy’s excitement over a cat picture in the art gallery isn’t as amusing to others as it was for me, but it really tickled me.

• Korean ice cream shops DELIVER. Also – you can order this party-sized thing that’s roughly a gallon. I belong here, you guys. I BELONG HERE.

• BUTTER LEMON CRACKER SANDWICH

• Coffee shops here don’t open until 9am (sometimes 10am!), but they stay open until about 11pm. I think someone forgot to tell Korea what coffee is for.

• An isle sign at the grocery store:

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA please sir, may I have some more?

• My other blog, Toni Watches, is in full swing right now. Check it out if you enjoy the Marvel Cinematic Universe, or the CW show The 100, or snarky, bizarre recaps.

That’s it from me! Thanks for coming. Stay safe out there.